See ya, 2018.

During the last days of the year, like most people, we've been planning out what we want the new year to look like for us as a family. Some of our goals are probably a little lofty-- like going a month completely without TV (we chose February. Haha!) but we're realistic too and have small resolutions, as well. Weight-loss, of course, made the list. Healthier habits, both for mind and body. More book-reading, less sugar, more exercise, less electronics, more productivity and better time management, less eating out, more date nights, less yelling, more love. One of my personal resolutions is less Facebook time. I waste an unbelievable amount of time there. If I could tally up the amount of time spent, it would not be pretty. For 2019, I want to spend far less time reading about people I barely know anymore, or even know at all, and more time living in the moment and being more intentional with my time. The last year FLEW by and I don't want to miss a moment of the next year! However, I do love how Facebook makes it so easy to document life events and even the more uneventful things we post about, I love seeing "my memories" and reading the cute things my kids used to say that would long be forgotten if I hadn't posted about it. I've decided instead to be a little more regular on my blog. I may share it on my Facebook page, and I may not. If you love us and want to know what we're up to in 2019, check back here! :)

Now, a look at 2018:
Nathaniel read a book about Tim Tebow earlier in 2017 and decided he wanted to do what Tim did and have zero carbonation for an entire year. We decided to join him in his challenge. He not only succeeded, but has decided to continue it in 2019. The rest of us fell off the wagon in May... but we did drink significantly less soft drinks than we ever have before. We will all try again in 2019. Nathaniel's self discipline amazed me!

We traveled to San Antonio, Marfa, and Dallas, Texas; Shreveport, Louisiana; Phoenix and Tombstone, Arizona. And we spent over 7 weeks in Arkansas to visit family. Justin went to Canada for the first time, spending a total of two weeks in Calgary, Three Hills, and Beaver Lodge. And then as a family, we vacationed in Edmonton later on in the year.

We visited museums and zoos, saw mysterious, hovering lights, roamed with cowboys and outlaws, took lots of pictures, celebrated birthdays and holidays, paid off lots of debt, said goodbye to friends, the kids and I took our first plane ride, acquired three cute kitties, buried a loved one, started a new job, endured sleepless nights, tears, tantrums, and black eyes, and we bought our first house. We've grown, we've achieved, we've messed up, and we've learned.

Here's to 2019. We hope for more adventures, successful resolutions, and less trips to the ER. 

Misunderstood

A simple Google search will show you image after image of moms cheering for the start of a new school year. This is what bothers me. Moms, who are essentially thrilled at the fact that someone else will be caring for her children. It isn't about homeschooling. It isn't about back to school pictures. I'm not against public school. I'm obviously a fan of homeschooling but that doesn't mean I think if you don't homeschool you're a crappy parent. I'm also a huge fan of my kids, so that's why memes like these don't make any sense to me. Are my kids impeccably behaved? Of course not. Do I think I'm a better parent? Nope. I fail everyday. There isn't a harder job in the world than being a parent and nobody has it down perfectly. But I can not, and will not ever understand how a person can jump for joy over their babies being gone all day long, five days a week, and for the majority of the year. I enjoy my kids! I don't need a break from them! There will be plenty of time for "breaks" when they're grown and off on their own, going to college, getting married and having babies. I totally get that it's overwhelming sometimes...I have FIVE for goodness sake.

 What kind of message do the meme's above send to kids who need their mom, though? "It's a joke! The kids are in on it too. They're laughing with her." I'd be laughing too if my mom were leaping all over the driveway like an idiot. But ultimately, jokes like these really say, "'Me time' means more to me than spending it with you." This attitude toward back to school will come back to bite 'em too... 

By all means, be excited for your kids' excitement about school. Be proud of them. Take their picture on the first day showing off their new clothes. Just don't throw a party cause you've been relieved of your parental duties for the day, Monday through Friday, and until next May. Enough of my opinions though. I just felt the need to clarify my stance on the subject because it was never intended to offend anyone or to toot my own horn. 

Lillie's Song

It was a saturday morning, exactly one year ago. It was supposed to be a normal day; Nathaniel had a soccer game that morning. We probably would've gone out for lunch afterwards (probably at chickfila). Instead, a few hours before his game was scheduled to begin, we were trying to make the all too common parental decision on whether to take our daughter to the doctor.

It happened over night. She had a cold; snotty nose, maybe a slight cough, but nothing serious. Until Saturday morning came. She was laying in bed between her daddy and me, and her breathing did not sound good. Chest caving in, short inhale, rapid exhale. It was worrisome, for sure. Something we've dealt with a few times before, but each time you sit and watch and ponder for a second "should we go?" 

I try not to be one of those crazy, hypochondriac moms. I fail, quite often. Almost every time I've taken one of the kids in to the doctor or ER, I feel silly. I'm just sure the nurses are laughing at me for being "that mom". I've learned over the years to assess the situation more thoroughly and to wait certain things out for a little while before panicking. I still Google and my searches almost always come back with the absolute worst scenario possible. I have finally learned that every bump on the head does not lead to a concussion. I've learned to let the fever do its job. I'm still working on the Googling part, although it is quite a handy resource to have. 

So while watching Lillianna breathe, and reading a few articles about labored breathing, I decided she should be taken to a doctor. Normally, if she's having a hard time breathing (which only happens when she gets sick with a cold or something), we have an inhaler to give her, but about a week before this episode, her big sister, Gabriella, thought it'd be fun to squirt the remaining 30+ puffs out. The plan was to get to urgent care as soon as they opened, be the first ones seen, get a breathing treatment and maybe a steroid shot (as was given in the past), and make it out in time to watch Nathaniel's game. Justin kept the other three just in case it wasn't quick, so at least Nathaniel would still make it to his game. 

Lillie and I got to the clinic and waited about 20 minutes before being seen. The doctor checked her oxygen levels and they were low. 85-87 I think? Too low for an otherwise healthy child. They tried a breathing treatment, and her levels still didn't improve. He said he had no choice but to send us to the hospital. In fact, he insisted we travel by ambulance! Then, the plan changed again when he talked to her pediatrician, who insisted she be taken to Children's Hospital instead of the hospital down the road. 

It was scary. I called Justin at the game to let him know what was going on. He was scared too. Out of all our trips to the ER for bumps and scrapes and fevers that seemed too high, we'd never, ever experienced the urgency of an ambulance, or the seriousness of a children's hospital. (And I pray we never do again). I tried to remain calm. I couldn't become a hysterical mess with my precious three year old watching. I made slight conversation with the paramedic treating Lillie. She'd been doing her job for about ten years. I can't remember her name but I remember what she looked like. She was nice and good at her job and good at helping an anxious mom feel a little less anxious. Twenty minutes later, we arrived to Children's and had a whole team of doctors and nurses waiting on us. Several hours and even more breathing treatments later, we were admitted to a room because her levels were still not high enough. 

At the hospital the next morning

Justin took Nathaniel and Gabrie home that night; they weren't allowed to even go to Lillie's room because of the fragility of so many patients at Children's. Addie was allowed to stay with me at the hospital because she was breastfeeding. I can't speak highly enough of the staff; everyone was great. They really made you feel like your child's health was of utmost priority. We continued with breathing treatments and steroids throughout the night, and her levels were monitored continuously. Our expected stay time was at least two days, depending on her condition. 

My sweet, joyful Lillianna Mattison sang "Jesus Loves Me" to herself the entire night, even in her sleep! (And would have me sing it to her too). It was just precious. With each time she sang, her condition improved. By the middle of the night her levels were exactly where they were supposed to be and because her improvement was so great and stayed consistent, we were able to leave Sunday afternoon! I completely believe her songs to Jesus and lots of prayers were what helped her get well so quickly. I also believe that Gabrie's previous orneriness of wasting the inhaler was really a blessing in disguise, because I'm not sure I would've taken her in when I did if we had it. Her oxygen levels were dangerously low, nearing the point necessary of causing brain damage.

Last day of being a 3 year old!

Lillie just turned four last week and still loves to sing. On her birthday, Justin gave her a microphone (that we hook up into Nathaniel's amp). The kids all did a little show for us and one of her performances included "Jesus Loves Me". Yes, He does love us, Lillie. Thank you for always reminding me.

Becoming Midlanders

It's been two years since I last wrote something... a lot has changed since our family pizza night!
For starters, we had our third baby girl in July of 2014. If you know us in real life, you'd know that's not all that shocking. In fact, I'm pregnant now with our 5th baby, due this June. We feel extremely blessed to be adding another sweet baby to our family! About a year after family pizza night, we decided to move across town to this cute little house in the "country". It was an old house, tucked away on a side street in Broomfield, CO...not really in the country, but it felt like it to us. We had a nice, big yard with lots of trees and a beautiful garden, a greenhouse (that I regretfully never used), and tons of storage, plus lots of room for the kids to play and run. It was wonderfully isolated. The only nuisance we had to avoid was the weekly visit from the Jehovah's Witnesses. (That may sound mean, but I have good reasons for not wanting to be bothered every week with uninvited company.) Anyway, Emerald Lane was beautiful and only two minutes away from my favorite thrift store.

Last day at Emerald Lane

Moving across town felt like quite a journey at the time. We were no longer 5 minutes from Justin's work. The kids missed their neighborhood friends they had recently started playing with. King Soopers wasn't just a left turn away anymore... we'd grown quite spoiled on 104th. None of that compares to our even bigger change though, which is having moved to good ole' Midland, Texas.



Christmas 2015, we're back in Arkansas visiting family when Justin got a call from his boss. He was being offered a management position. Great news considering the recent decline in oil and countless jobs being snatched away from many of his colleagues. The catch? The job is in Odessa.

I quickly googled the area and checked out the map and topography. "It's pretty, stinkin close to New Mexico...I don't see much green on this map...Oh geez, this is the desert part of Texas.", I thought to myself. "Oh good, they at least have a Chick-fil-a." It was a difficult decision, but Justin and I agreed it would be best for the family to accept the offer.

The company gave us an all-expenses-paid-week in order to find a house. So, a couple weeks later, we embarked on the 10 hour drive to Midland, with all four kids in tow, for our house hunting trip. Five days and about 50 houses later, we finally found the right one. It's in a quiet neighborhood, with two big oak trees and a "cepan" tree (pecan), a backyard with plenty of room for the kids to play and only 6 minutes from Chick-fil-a. The inside is large enough for our growing family, and small enough for me to keep relatively clean. We are definitely happy with our choice. As far as the town, however, we are not thrilled, but we're trying to make the best of it.

Our last Christmas in CO

After our house hunt we returned back home to Emerald Lane. Our remaining time in Colorado would be short. We made the most of it by hanging out with friends and doing as many fun things as we could. In 12 short days, the movers would be there to pack away everything we own and we'd make the long drive back to Midland.

One upside to this transfer was having the company hire movers for us; that was pretty awesome! They literally did all of our packing and loading. All we had to do was show up (and answer a lot of questions like "do you want this packed with this? Are you taking this with you or are we taking it? And what room will this go in at the new house? What label should we put on this box?") Towards the end they got a little careless though and just started shoving things in boxes...

Anyway, we arrived in Midland on January 29th and moved into our new home two days later. Starting out we wanted to look at the move as an adventure. We're still trying to see the adventure in it. Right now it's just giving us the blahs. We have found a church we like though so that's good. But every time we leave the house we "worry" about getting in a wreck BECAUSE TEXANS CAN NOT DRIVE! (I exaggerate a little, but they really can't drive.) I remember my first time leaving the house since moving here...me and the kids went to get groceries, checked out the library, and of course, had Chick-fil-a. It was the first time (but not the last) that I got honked at for driving LEGALLY. It still baffles me. UPDATE: Today we witnessed the most epic driving mistake ever. A woman drove the wrong way on a one-way, all the while thinking the car she was about to crash into was in the wrong, and then she continued down the one-way and found her way onto the interstate STILL DRIVING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! We'll see if she made it on the 6 o'clock news.

I think moving has definitely been the hardest on my sweet Nathaniel. He was involved in the most

Last Day at HSC--I embarrassed him in front of his teachers
so that's what the face is about.

awesome homeschooling program I've ever heard of. He had one Wednesday a week where it was all about what he enjoyed doing. No helping with younger sisters, no "school", no chores. All day long, he went from class to class with his friends and learned new and exciting things. We got transferred to Texas right at the start of his second semester at HSC. It was devastating. For him and me! He was able to attend three weeks into the new semester, which probably made it that much harder on him. Not only was leaving HSC devastating, but he also left behind some really great friends. Since we've been in Midland, he and I have had many, many talks about the importance of our move and Daddy's job. We've shared lots of tears and hugs and worked through countless meltdowns and bad attitudes. It's been tough. It breaks my heart to see him struggle with this change so deeply. I know that to him and his nine year old mind, this is the worst thing ever. On the flip side though, I think the situation has helped him become more responsible and mature. We've had some of our best school days here in Texas. He's transforming into this young man who makes jokes and enjoys my company and loves listening to his favorite band (Thousand Foot Krutch) while we encounter SO MANY horrible drivers on our way to Walmart. The transition from being a Coloradan to a Texan (and no, we will never be "Texans"!) has been difficult, to say the least, but I am beginning to see the end of that dark tunnel.

We got really spoiled living somewhere as cool as Colorado for almost four years. It was an awesome blessing for Justin to have gotten a good job right after graduating and in such a beautiful place! Not gonna lie, it was a sad and painful day when Justin registered our vehicles with Texas and replaced our green mountain license plate with a boring lone star plate. Nathaniel was especially ashamed of our van's new look. :)

I decided after our house hunting trip that I should try to find the beauty in West Texas. I've found a few glimmers so far and I'll keep on looking for it.

Laughing together at AFV

Daddy's HUGE new office 

Playing "boss"

Easter 2016

Family Pizza Night

Tonight we started a fun, new Friday night tradition! Normally we would just get a movie from Redbox and maybe order pizza, but earlier this week Justin had a brilliant idea -- Friday will be "make your own pizza" night!

Nathaniel looked forward to it ALL WEEK LONG! And planned out exactly what he'd put on his pizza the moment we decided to do this. His toppings were sauce, cheese, pepperoni, spinach, bell peppers (because that's what Daddy likes), and carrots (because Nathaniel is a carrot-fanatic). Kind of a strange combination, especially for an only cheese kinda kid, but he was so proud of his creation and insisted that we all try a bite. (The carrots actually weren't that bad).

 

Gabriella and Lillianna also loved putting together their pizzas. They each spread spoonful after spoonful of sauce on the dough and LOTS of mozzarella cheese (both on their pizzas, and in their mouths). They might've got a little carried away. :)

It was a little messier than I prefer -- a 23 month old spooning out her own sauce, a three year old piling on handfuls of cheese, a seven year old who...ok, he wasn't that messy, but Daddy DID splatter sauce all over the back splash by the sink. The messes were worth all the smiles though! And we all look forward to next Friday even more. 

 

Daddy had fun too! :)

 

 

 

Mother, Daughter

Lately I have been thinking about one of the most precious relationships a woman can have, and that is the one I share with my daughters. At the young ages of three and almost two, I see our relationship blossoming into something so special.

My three year old, Gabriella, (as I've mentioned in previous posts) had a speech delay that was hard for me to cope with and understand. I struggled with her delay so much because I felt that we weren't bonding enough, and communication was so difficult! Thankfully, speech therapy worked wonders (and early intervention) and we now have full conversations with each other. It absolutely blesses my heart to be able to understand what that beautiful little girl has to say. And she has A LOT to say!

The last few weeks (it's felt more like months!) I've been battling morning sickness. (I started this quite a bit ago...morning sickness has been much better for a few weeks now.) Day to day duties have been almost impossible to do. My sweet Gabrie has been cuddled up to me the majority of the time; rubbing my face and trying her best to comfort me. (Nathaniel and Lillie have been sweet too, but Gabrie has a more love-y personality). Several times a day, she looks at me with complete adoration, and I've barely had enough time to get my head out of the toilet before she says, "You're so beautiful, Mama". I can't even remember the last time I really put on makeup, yet in her eyes, I am beautiful. Another favorite thing she says is, "Mama, you're my girl". She already sees us as best friends and that is so precious to me.

Lillianna is still young, but I know we will also share a sweet relationship like Gabrie and I do. Although she won't be the baby for much longer, she has a very "baby" personality so far. She is much more reserved and stays close by my side most the time. She was the only one of my babies who was actually attached to a pacifier (or "geegee" as she called it). Luckily, she lost it one day in the disaster we call Nathaniel's room and has completely forgotten about it now! (We really lucked out with that). UPDATE: Lillie has finally learned the "I love you" sign--the one where you point to your eye, cross your heart and point at the person you love-- and it is so stinkin' precious! I've taught all three of them this at a young age and it's one of my favorite things they do. Also, last night Lillie and I laid in bed together when she put both hands on my cheeks and said "you're beautiful, Mama". Obviously, she's been listening to her sister. :)

This precious relationship I see growing before my eyes  reminds me of the same one I have with my Mama. I remember when I was young and my siblings were in school, all the special times we shared together. She would tell me made up stories about anything while I sat on her lap in the rocking chair that sat in her room. I remember one in particular was about little primary-colored fish (based on the outfit I was wearing that day; an outfit I believe she made for me herself). This memory is so clear, I can still see how beautifully decorated her room was and the sunlight coming in through the window we sat in front of. We always made chocolate chip cookies together before the other kids came home from school.

Now, as an adult with kids of my own, I cherish these memories and reflect on just how wonderful my mom really is. She is the definition of a "mother." She gives of herself wholeheartedly, sacrifices countless minutes of "me time", and cares for a devout (and equally selfless) husband and seven children, plus 10 (and counting) grandchildren. Everyday I realize just how much work she put into each of us, every single day, until we were grown (and even still because your kids are always your kids). I wish I would have taken notice of this a lot sooner and given her more appreciation as I was growing up. Motherhood is HARD! And I know compared to her, I have a lot of improving to do!

Although we're separated by exactly 813 miles (and possibly 1,082.5 in the near future) we speak (or text) almost daily and plan future visits together. We share many of the same tastes -- and she has excellent taste-- so that I am proud of. When I was younger, I didn't always care to learn how to cook the meals she prepared for us, or keep up with housework to her standards (I still struggle with that one), but everything I do now is what she taught me, and the rest of what she tried to teach me is resurfacing. She is one of my very best friends and I hope to cultivate the very same friendship with my daughters.

 

 

So Ma, thank you for ALL the energy you put into being a good mom and wife. (Lillie is sitting next to me right now saying "that's Ma, Mama". She does know you!) :) I hope you know just how much you and Papa mean to all of us! And Ma, in response to recent posts on empty nest, while it may be emptier than you'd like, we ALL still need you! 

 

 

Bittersweet Progression

I don't even know where to start! There have been so many new and exciting things happening here. However, the title says it all -- they are bittersweet at times. I'll start with our most recent news. (And no, I'm not pregnant!)

For the last year, Gabriella has been working with a therapist for her speech delay. I've mentioned before that her delay was nothing really major, but "delayed" enough to necessitate therapy. Gretchen came to our house for an hour, every week and worked her magic on Gabrie. Of course, Gabrie grew very attached to her, and always looked forward to their "playtime" together. With Justin's busy work schedule, there were some days that Gretchen was the only adult interaction I got. Nathaniel couldn't wait to tell her all about any new facts he had acquired from the week before, and Lillie loved the extra attention as well. I guess we all grew a little attached to her! Well, three weeks ago was Gabrie's last session with Gretchen. Her speech has improved so much since their first session together -- she may even be slightly above average now! We are so pleased with her progress!!! It's hard to imagine a time when we had no clue what she was saying. Now for the bittersweet part...we miss our Gretchen!

Next is what a big boy my Nathaniel has become. Second grade this year! I've seen him change into such an intelligent young man recently. One thing that has impressed me the most has been the little bookworm coming out in him. Every time we go shopping at one of my thrift stores, he looks in the book section for "chapter books". The Magic Treehouse series is his favorite. He can finish one of those in just a couple of hours! I just can't believe my ears sometimes when I hear him read. The bittersweet: he's even closer to being a teenager, and already has the attitude to go with it.

And last, my sweet Lillie. She's talking quite a bit now-- mocking different things we say. She's becoming more and more coordinated. Recently she has started using silverware consistently, and quite well too. She used to crawl up the stairs to get to the second floor of the house; now she holds on to the wall with one hand and walks up, one huge step at a time. She loves playing with her big sister. They build towers together and have tea parties while Nathaniel and I do school together. It blesses my heart so much to see the love on her face when she watches her brother and sister. And I love seeing her reach so many milestones. The bittersweet: she is no longer a baby. No matter how many times she finds that pacifier in the toy box and sticks it in her mouth, I can't pretend she's a baby. (And I do try!). It occurred to me a couple weeks ago that she is almost the same age as Gabrie was when she was born!

 

Oh my, and how could I forget... Gabriella is officially potty trained now, Lillie is sleeping [basically] through the night, and all three kids [start out] sleeping in their own beds! Who knew a king-sized bed can actually be so spacious?! (Until 3 am, that is.)

Ok, and for sure last this time is the awesome progress Justin is making at work. I have to brag on him a little! In the last 18 months that he's been with Drilco, he has received three promotions. I am so proud of him! Not a bit surprised, but very proud. The bittersweet: a lot more responsibility and stress. At this very moment (which is midnight right now, and no telling when he'll be done) he is out "cleaning up" after one of his employees! He gets constant phone calls from his guys and bosses, and has to figure out who to send where and when, etc. The oil field never sleeps, I know that much. However, the plus side to all the phone calls is hearing him talk to those guys like a boss. It can be quite entertaining sometimes! 



(And by the way, Justin didn't get home until 2 am that "night". And was back at work at 6 am!)